Tuesday, August 24, 2004

The Extraordinary

When I was very little, I was going to be a speculum when I grew up. That didn't pan out. Later, I decided I would be the nighttime bartender who discovered an unknown hot chick and managed her to porn star success. The social biologist who figured out how to understand women. The first rap star to win an Oscar for portraying his own white ass in a crappy semi-biographical movie. I wouldn't say it out loud, but all my life I really did believe I was destined for something out of the ordinary.

I was a horny little kid. Didn't always get the highest grades, but I was pretty. Still, by fourteen, I had figured out I probably wasn't going to be talking to the hottest chicks. So, I settled on a less fleshy kind of extraordinary. Maybe I wouldn’t do extraordinary women, but I would break extraordinary rules. Drink extraordinary drinks. Have extraordinary fantasies in the bathroom. My inner life would be the shiznit.

Three months ago I woke up naked in a gutter in Cleveland. I finally had everything I'd ever wanted.


Went to Sappho's last night, a girlie hang out in Sapporo. I wanted to be able to speak English again for a little while, maybe find someone who could speak it, too. All around me, people were talking some gibberish language; the girls were more into each other than they were into me. Sharing brightly colored drinks and giggling about something I could never hope to understand. 5000 miles, and the situation was just as ordinary as back in San Francisco.


So I ditched Sappho's and stumbled back to the dingy brothel. It's really the only place I'm truly happy anymore. You get it, at least. (I don't even really care about llovebeer these days. Not exactly in the same league as current forms of entertainment. Not even close.)

So what have you been up to?

You are my extraordinary. Near strangers — brilliant, kind, loud, mean, methodical, wildly creative, above all passionate, passionate hot hot ladies (I hope), with sexy lingerie and tiny taut behinds. I may not agree with all of you… no surprise, I hardly agree with anyone's fantasy. But my energy. This sexual encounter. It will be worth it, I promise.

By the way, I met a guy named Fluk Luke who said he'd take a look at the site. He's this tiny, mean, crazy, wildly hairy little guy who drinks like a fish and can't stop talking about women's shoes. Specifically, spiked pumps. I'm not sure what's up with that, but he also knows how to code that HBLT crap, so maybe he can fix up Uncle Marc's site. Or not, I don't really care.

Cause I get it now. And you get me. And I'm here. Yes, I'm all the way in now.

P.S. I'm posting a summary of the drinks I've tried so far in the sidebar. I'll keep updating it during the times when I can see straight enough to type.