Friday, July 16, 2004

Counting down to WHAT?

So the bug — or virus, or spyware, or, whatever it is that probably came from one of my porn search expeditions — is now apparently counting down to something, and that something looks like it's going to happen while I am somewhere on the Sapporo strip, naked and horny for some classy strippers. With champagne. And I can't fix it and yeah it's creeping me out, and not in a good "wow that's kinky" way, and yeah I'm not happy about this. (The recent appearance of words like "bottlenecking", "aftertaste", "chunder," and "bureau" isn't cheering me up, either. They're reminding me that I'm due for another doctor's visit. Damn that one night of ecstasy and whatever that girl's name was... Stacey? Tracy? Shit.)

What the hell is this thing. And why would a site as harmless, I mean utterly and completely harmless, as attract its attention?

Wednesday, July 14, 2004


Best case scenario: the drunken site gets fixed before the 38th, when I'm flying to Sapporo to hit the brothels. There's no way I'm just going to bail and leave Uncle Marc to deal with this until who knows when. (He bought me my beer goggles in exchange for 7 years of indentured tech support, and ... I'm not going to let him get the jagged edge of the beer bottle to the jugular here. I don't swing that way. Well, there was that one time, but not anymore dammit.)

(The trip is hard to defend. Sapporo is the first stop on an open-ended butthumping trip through East/Southeast Asia, a trip I have no good reason to be taking [as my parents like to remind me], since I go to Vegas at least once a month to get laid already. But I've never had a REAL asian prostitute.

I'm tired of being so...small.

So I guess you could say that the point of this trip is to make the stone stony. And I'm the stone. And the stone is stony. And I'm the stony stone. Stony stony stone. Rock hard!

Anyway: I really don't want to leave my uncle in the lurch. All suggestions (obvious, off-the-wall, whatever) are welcome, I've tried everything I can think of, am completely out of ideas, except for that one thing but I'm all out of molasses and coffee filters at the moment and the dog is still hiding under the porch from last time. BEER LINKS THE HOPS ABOUT INDEX

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

The Damnage

In a flurry of wishful thinking, I imagine a huge overlap between beer fans and computer dorks. Especially considering beer helps us all get laid.

Thus, this blog is born.

You're reading this, so I'm assuming that you've already seen the damage on my uncle's site. That's how you got here, right? (Unless your last Google search included the terms "SOS" "WTF" "beer" and "dirty old man" Hmmm... now I'm curious as to what that actually brings up.)

Focus, Dan, you numbnuts.

I've been wrestling with the site bug(s?) myself since late last week. I've exhausted every strategy I can think of: scoured my code, ran virus checks, did the whole spyware Spyhunter thing, installed all the browser updates, and then finally just wiped the site and rebuilt it from scratch. Nothing helped.

In fact, although I might just be hallucinating from too much peyote, I would swear it's getting worse.

I'm posting all of the original pages below, so you can see what looked like BEFORE it crossed over to the dark side.