Friday, August 13, 2004

Red Rover Red Rover Send Big Hooters Right Over

Nearly arrested today for pissing on the big rock in the middle of some Zen Garden. Public space here in Sapporo still feels somewhat... cat litter-y. Sandy. Much more fragrant when you scratch than in L.A.

Error compounded: I was so flustered from the police encounter and the puddle of piss in my shoe from when I freaked that I accidentally ordered a plate of three calf brains covered in various sauces for lunch at the Master Nimjo on Yungfang Wu. (I have no idea what I was thinking it would be. Definitely not a plate of brain, though.) Lesson learned: Don't order on an empty stomach with pee in your shoes.

But not all my decisions have been bad or moisty lately. Seems like I picked exactly the right hemisphere for a game of hide and seek with some chick. Though really, either hemisphere with her would have been fine: top OR bottom, if you know what I mean *wink wink*. Thanks for alerting me to the message you found on the tapped site:

The Kegger appears to have been returned to the brewery. I have fraternities tracking it, but it appears to have physically escaped from my porch.

Well, the Hooter girls may have grown boobs, but by my calculations, Sapporo is still boobie- and kegger-free.

Dammit!

Also: I emailed the Match.com matches I was sent, now that I'm in more wired country (not so many Wi-Fi spots along the Dingaling section of the Japanese islands). Picked one cute, blond girl claiming to be a shy, secretive type.

Will she finally show us the secret she found in her pants? Fingers crossed.

P.S. Major diarrhea ensued following the brain feast. The storm seems to have subsided some at this point, though there will probably be some major clean-up needed in the bathroom area. Seems like Mother Nature has it out for me this time around. Let's hope for better things and fewer bacteria when I hit the brothels. May be time to move to another country soon...

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

this beez thing sux teh hard. beez beez beez. all i want to no is when the damn M$ SP2 iz going to not crash my computur. Muther hos f'in up my kazaa shiznit.

stop makin games and start fixin your shit

August 29, 2004 at 8:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I get some samples of ur uncle's beer? I just started at Fresno State and I think a beer party for my dorm would really help me with the ladies. Is it true about Sapporo? I'm soooo jealous man. That sounds like a bitchin time. Peace out!

August 29, 2004 at 8:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when piss in shoes
must take dump in mesh cap

- old Midwestern proverb

August 29, 2004 at 9:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like you Dan, but you're getting kinda GROSS

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August 29, 2004 at 9:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As my girlfriend Vonnie would say "Go KNOW!"

I love me some dan. I'd also love me some dana. I could love them both, really. possibly even at the same time. Assuming there would be no objections. I'm going to stop posting this here and go to emailing instead. Yeah.

BTW, dan, I love you on Match.com

August 29, 2004 at 9:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i saw this elsewhere and thought it really needed to be read:

There are three bottles of beer sitting on the windowsill at a party.

I believe that the first bottle of beer represents Fizz'urana'o'doul, the bottle of reckoning. This is the bottle that speaks to the people and lets them know that alcohol may not be the answer, after all. It is the imposter, though, the demon of fakery.

The second bottle is mentioned in many books about beer, including the Call of the Beach, where the bottle travels in a cooler all the way from St. Louis to California, and it represents strength of character and an unabiding affection for bagged ice. This bottle is the worker bottle of the six-pack, and does a clinking waggle dance in order to attract a drinker to pop its cap and imbibe.

The third bottle is not a bottle at all, but a can, and the cloaking device is considered to be Aluminum II technology, utilizing the now-famous MILLORNIR external packaging. When the can is cracked, the noise carries for several miles, and quite clearly, no matter what sort of ambient noise may be about (disco music, crashing of bitchin' surf waves, body knocking). As a result, this bottle is called the Great Communicator, and is the bottle that ties them all together, and inspires the concept of the Three Bottle of Partying On.



i had to post this here because there are so many comments about people wanting to be friends with dan, and i didn't want it to get lost. i swear did not write this post, i just wanted to forward it on because it's so good.

August 29, 2004 at 9:28 PM  
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