Tuesday, July 27, 2004

emergency exit sign i stole from my frat house in '96

It drank me under the table. It pwns me now.

- seen and totally blitzed. I'm not sorry, you unsympathetic bastiches. I'm going to Disney World - Sapporo style.

I think maybe you clicked the link over here of your own free will. Yes, you did. But forget about it. It's like you had a good buzz going, but I fig the honeymoon's over now, and sober, I see the total wicked error of my ways.

I don't want www.ilovebeer.org to be my problem anymore.

And if you think for one second that it's going to be your problem, well I think you'd better just go outside and get some fresh air and stuff. HELLO BIG BLUE ROOM HELLOOOOOOO! You think it's easy, waking up in the morning, hungover like hell, wearing a lacy pink Hanes Her Way bra and wondering what the hell happened last night? Cryptic messages written on my ass, face, and chest, until I figured out they were just backwards in the mirror? I have a sudden craving for cheese curds. I need to get away from myself, maybe ride some water slides, take in a wax museum, something, anything. (And you can stop trying to hack into my email for porn passwords, and YOU, Mark, for fucking taking the mags out of my mailbox in the lobby, and searching for the "special" beer recipes - they're not on the website, you nimrods! GOD!!! the secret ingredients are just that!! INGREDIENTS!!!... good gravy.)

Domo Arigato Mister Roboto, everyone. Thanks for nothing, unless you've got an aspirin handy.

I'm done. Stick a fork in me.

55 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Daniel,

I know you don't know me, but I wished to introduce myself. I am a professor of geneological database post-hypnotic inner child therapy deconstruction debate tactics at Purdue University, and I have some simple steps I think you might find helpful in your journey to cleanse yourself of whatever yeasty demons currently inhabit your website.

To wit:

It's never your responsibility to bear the burden of another's misbehaviour

You have the right to make mistakes until you get it right

You have the right to change your mind or choose a different course of action

Along with your human rights come your personal rights. And responsibilties. You can assert these to anybody, but start with yourself.

You have the right to be safe and protected

Gifts are just that: gifts. You're not obliged to give something back or do or be somebody you're not because someone has given you something. Saying thanks is nice though.

This is just to start with. Please, keep in touch and let me, or perhaps others, know how you are progressing with this difficult, challenging work. You are a unique snowflake, and I love you.

Professor Frank N. Warbler

August 1, 2004 at 9:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get ALL the BABES you WANT!

Plus get a 1 year Subscription to Maxim at NO Cost

http://www.thisisnotcommentspamreallynoreally.biz/default2.htm

August 1, 2004 at 9:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Listen Tiny, if you dont quit calling me at weird hours, I will call the cops. They will haul ur ass into jail, and an enormous convict named Bubba will make you his beeyotch. I dont want to go out again and, unlike you, ur 30 seconds of glory didn't change MY life. Get over it. -Aschleee P.

August 2, 2004 at 8:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha, ashleighey is funnee.

so are monkeys!

you people who are commenting here are soooo stupid. this is totally a fake blog, and this person should be ashamed of themselves for trying to pull the wool over your eyes! also, you are all stupid.

have i mentioned that your stupid?

i am now going to go to metafilter and post a link about how stupid you all are.

August 2, 2004 at 8:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aschlee P.!!!

Will you please e-mail me? You seem to know this Dan guy pretty well, and he won't e-mail me back, even though I sent him a 20 page .pdf on how to fix his beer website! Please e-mail me? I am a systems administrator for my mom's kennel business, and I know my way around a network, and I think if you and I work together, we can help Dan!! Write me!

August 2, 2004 at 8:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Huh huh, "your stupid." Ha, Anonymous, it's "you're."

NOW WHO'S THE STUPID ONE HUH

August 2, 2004 at 8:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*sigh*

People, you really shouldn't be taking the comments to be part of this ARG, OK? I came here, expecting some nice Enigma codes with rotor settings hidden in photos of someone's living room, perhaps some harmonica tablature puzzling, a little bit of Sexy Protagonist Needs Help kind of voyeurism, and you are all ruining it! I don't want to play a freaking RPG! I have to go to my freaking day job for 40 hours a week wearing a stupid mask so that I don't kill my co workers or set fire to my desk. I really, REALLY don't need to come home to some immersive beer game that makes me suck up to some mysterious puppetmaster with one of my 20 spare hotmail accounts, just so we can find the password to Yet Another Semi-Accessible E-mail Account That Has Important Information Contained in the Messages Which Will Further the Plot.

You renfaire D&D trekkie geeks really need to stop harshing my mellow. ARG! NOT RPG! ARG! ARG! ARG! ARG!!!!!!!!!

I shake my +20 Fist of Ire and Jaded Fury at all of you!

:P

August 2, 2004 at 8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're just pissed because you can't chug beer like a real man, mr. anonymous fists of ire.

dan, you should really work on your meta tags. drive some more traffic over here.

August 2, 2004 at 8:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMGWTFBBQ?!??!

U guyz are a11 t001s 0f p@bst!!!

itz all a sc@m!!!!!!

r0x0r!!!!

August 3, 2004 at 8:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what does http://www.entenmanns.com/ have to do with it?

August 4, 2004 at 1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Entenmann's = my sweet honey buns, baby.

All for Dan!

August 4, 2004 at 4:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An AI that's acting in this way most certainly is drunk. I never would have expected to see this while I was sober, but it seems to have more 'tolerance', so to speak. Well, maybe. I don't even know where I am most of the time, any more, though, to be honest. Perhaps I should stop chasing my pills with liquor. All I know is that we need to be concentrating on finding Dan.

Does anyone live near where he drinks? He might not've left for TEHDISNEYWORLDOMGWTFBBQ yet.

-Professor Steal(ing your clothes right now :P)

August 5, 2004 at 3:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YEASTY BRITCHES!!!!!

Hahahahahahaha.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, come back. I will feed you cheese curds if you just come back and make our liiiiives compleeeete

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. Why couldn't have been a HOT GIRL?????

August 5, 2004 at 3:33 PM  
Blogger Celina said...

Don't you all see this is some sort of hoax? The story originates from this shitty little 'humor' site called smirkbox.com... I dunno what people are trying to pull here, but this is stupid. There's no way that the ilovebees people are going to endorse this site whatseover.

August 6, 2004 at 10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is getting stupid. Together with ilovebees.com. Same thing happened, same layout. I smell a HOAX. IF its bungie doing this to promote Halo 2, it has gone much too far.

August 6, 2004 at 11:40 AM  
Blogger Tanooki117 said...

Dan,

You have a serious problem and you need help. Please allow me to help cure you of your alcoholism.

August 6, 2004 at 1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

THIS IS NOT A GAME! You better take my calls asshole or I'm going to get all Glenn Close on ur ass! I MEAN IT!

Aschleee P.

August 6, 2004 at 4:57 PM  
Blogger Neo said...

http://myweb.ecomplanet.com/DAVI4936/

Didn't your parents ever talk to you about the Beers and the Bees?

August 6, 2004 at 5:37 PM  
Blogger rolandog said...

LMAO... great parody.

August 6, 2004 at 11:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u no whats going on with ur website. your r just covering it up. u and dana(person from ilovebees) both no what has been done to thier website. cant u other people tell that this is all setup.!

August 7, 2004 at 9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so is this real

August 7, 2004 at 7:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some one please translate the first page's text, i did the ilovebees.com one by myself but this one is too hard for me... please help!!!

August 8, 2004 at 4:40 AM  
Blogger Neo said...

of course this is fake.
stop being stupid.
it doesn't take a genius like me to figure that out.

this is what happens when you mix beer and genius:
http://myweb.ecomplanet.com/DAVI4936/

Didn't your parents ever talk to you about the Beers and the Bees?

August 8, 2004 at 11:28 AM  
Blogger Hal0 L0v3r said...

Bees and beer. God is watching? God is watching what guys? We had ONI and marines speaking on the other site.....now we have what? a Drunk marine who is so pulverized? IDK. What are the IRC chat channels to join on this?

August 9, 2004 at 7:01 PM  
Blogger Neo said...

http://www.geocities.com/neo_debisu/index.html

In a Tangent Reality you will find a Hippie with a Knife, who has a Reason for Treason.

Guilty Bystander can be very deceptive.

The buzzing of the bees is stinging my mind and causing Emotional Warfare.

Smoking Filter signifies the end.

http://www.geocities.com/neo_debisu/index.html

August 10, 2004 at 7:48 AM  
Blogger Nick said...

No b33r h3r3

August 10, 2004 at 5:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

www.ilovebees.com ?

August 10, 2004 at 6:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Microsoft and Bungie consperacy

August 10, 2004 at 8:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmmmmm.....
Well, we know this has to deal with IloveBees.... Or it wouldn't have been mentioned on the blog.(IloveBees Blog)
but then again....I don't know.
This is all a hoax done to promote Halo2....it has to be it was on the trailer.....
People say keyes....the flood.....guilty spark, but why hasn't anyone mentioned MasterChief's history....things he may remember before becoming a Spartan....That could be interesting....but then I have nothing to back it up.
If this is an ARG....(not RPG...if you are an online gamer you learn the differences) Then there should be differences between IloveBees and IloveBeer....like the differences of Level 1 and Level2 in a video game.......
But there isn't much.

Chris

August 11, 2004 at 3:39 AM  
Blogger Hal0 L0v3r said...

Good point Chris. Maybe Ilovebees is about Cortana and Beer is about MC? Nice questions to ask. I have yet to download IRC but will be doing that this week. I'd like for you to email me if you know anything about how to use IRC and what chat channels are being used. xvanusx hotmail

August 11, 2004 at 5:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now we to figure this site out. Great. I love how he put halo 2 screenshots.

August 11, 2004 at 3:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha, wie geil. Ich liebe die Werbekampagne von Bungie. Auch wenn Ilovebeer nicht von Bungie is. Cooler gehts nicht mehr.

Achja, ich liebe Bier auch.
Bier für die Welt!

Some very tasty beers:

Beck's <---- woohah!
Haake Beck
Fosters
Franziskaner
Paulaner
Ducksteiner


Und immer dran denken, Bier ist das beste Getränk der Welt.


Ahhh, die Bienen, überall Bienen....

August 12, 2004 at 1:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry....I tried to do stuff with IRC....but I was confused on what I was doing.....
Also....Maybe we shouldn't call it a 'Hoax' perse
but maybe we should call it a marketing technique...and a very good one at that :)

Chris

August 12, 2004 at 4:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

someone please tell me why anyone would need to pull something like this for something that everyone already knows about? instead of pissing people off with something stupid, just say it out straight.

August 13, 2004 at 2:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like beer but i hate bees that i love bees site is so bootlegged compared to yours mr dan, dana doesnt know what shes doing. I called dana and she wouldnt pick up mean bitch.anway howd u get halo 2 so early? those screenshots are kool man. wut the chinny duchan says fusch ooo. but id like to say that u should put up a phone number so i can call u and u wont pick up either.... lazy ppl

August 14, 2004 at 11:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the?! I can't take this anymore Dan. I'm braking up with you, beeyatch.
No more honey for you. I see oont naked wady!

August 14, 2004 at 11:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i dont care about beer or bees anymore, i want visual stuff. screenshots, video, whatever, something to make November 9th not seem so far away
LONG LIVE SPARTAN 117

-MrFlammable (say hi if u ever see me on Halo PC/CE)

August 16, 2004 at 8:47 PM  
Blogger Neo said...

This is bullshit.
Hidden Audio.

http://myweb.ecomplanet.com/DAVI4936

August 20, 2004 at 12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, this is great stuff. Keep up the good work.

August 22, 2004 at 6:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am afraid that some new link has been made to aid you.

www.ilovebeef.org


The domain name was registered earlier today, its the next link, and is most likely about captain keyes



~penguination

August 23, 2004 at 3:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate beer

August 24, 2004 at 4:33 AM  
Blogger CGAdam said...

I somehow doubt you can simply abandon this issue. Things like this have been happening elsewhere, as you may well have been told. She tried to run clear to China, and it still haunted her. I suspect you will return to this, however much you don't want to right now.

At this point, I also don't think there's much you can do to stop it. Let the... guest runs its course, and we'll see what happens this time.

Looking forward to hearing from you again.

CG

August 24, 2004 at 11:33 AM  
Blogger Neo said...

http://myweb.ecomplanet.com/DAVI4936/

August 24, 2004 at 2:50 PM  
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August 28, 2004 at 2:51 PM  
Blogger DarkSpartan said...

So anyone have a list of the coords to the axons?

August 29, 2004 at 10:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://melangerie.com/bees/status.htm

August 29, 2004 at 11:52 AM  
Blogger JayMartini said...

I think he meant the beers coord's

August 29, 2004 at 11:56 AM  
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