Tuesday, July 13, 2004

The Damnage

In a flurry of wishful thinking, I imagine a huge overlap between beer fans and computer dorks. Especially considering beer helps us all get laid.

Thus, this blog is born.

You're reading this, so I'm assuming that you've already seen the damage on my uncle's site. That's how you got here, right? (Unless your last Google search included the terms "SOS" "WTF" "beer" and "dirty old man" Hmmm... now I'm curious as to what that actually brings up.)

Focus, Dan, you numbnuts.

I've been wrestling with the site bug(s?) myself since late last week. I've exhausted every strategy I can think of: scoured my code, ran virus checks, did the whole spyware Spyhunter thing, installed all the browser updates, and then finally just wiped the site and rebuilt it from scratch. Nothing helped.

In fact, although I might just be hallucinating from too much peyote, I would swear it's getting worse.

I'm posting all of the original pages below, so you can see what www.ilovebeer.org looked like BEFORE it crossed over to the dark side.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dan, I'm part of an elite group of people who will get involved in this situation of yours for no fee. We are devoutly interested in helping you out, despite not knowing who you are, what kind of lifestyle you lead, and what console gaming unit you currently pwn.

We will get to the bottom of this, no pun intended!

August 1, 2004 at 8:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is so totally budweiser, you guys.! i read about it just the otehr day in my inte-r office mail - there's this new campaign, and they're using these hot models and stuff lol to promotoe lol the new lwo-carhb beer. hahahaha, like models need low-cerbb stuph, no wat i mean???

August 1, 2004 at 9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

srory about my typos i am just so excited

i love bud

August 1, 2004 at 9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, keep up the good work! Love the site!

Thought I'd return the favor!!

Ultimate Revenge Cookie Recipe Story

This story is one of the funniest I've ever read. While it's been debated over whether it's true or not, it sure makes a good cookie!

Okay, everyone....a true story of justice in the good old U.S.A.

Thought y'all might enjoy this; if nothing else, it shows internet justice, if it can be called that. My daughter & I had just finished a salad at Neiman-Marcus Cafe in Dallas & decided to have a small dessert. Because our family are such cookie lovers, we decided to try the "Neiman-Marcus Cookie". It was so excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe and they said with a small frown, "I'm afraid not." Well, I said, would you let me buy the recipe? With a cute smile, she said, "Yes." I asked how much, and she responded, "Two fifty." I said with approval, just add it to my tab.

Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement from Neiman-Marcus and it was $285.00. I looked again and I remembered I had only spent $9.95 for two salads and about $20.00 for a scarf. As I glanced at the bottom of the statement, it said, "Cookie Recipe - $250.00." Boy, was I upset!! I called Neiman's Accounting Dept. and told them the waitress said it was "two fifty," and I did not realize she meant $250.00 for a cookie recipe. I asked them to take back the recipe and reduce my bill and they said they were sorry, but because all the recipes were this expensive so not just everyone could duplicate any of our bakery recipes....the bill would stand. I waited, thinking of how I could get even or even try and get any of my money back. I just said, "Okay, you folks got my $250.00 and now I'm going to have $250.00 worth of fun." I told her that I was going to see to it that every cookie lover will have a $250.00 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus for nothing. She replied, "I wish you wouldn't do this." I said, "I'm sorry but this is the only way I feel I could get even," and I will.

So, here it is, and please pass it to someone else or run a few copies....I paid for it; now you can have it for free.

(Recipe may be halved.):

* 2 cups butter
* 4 cups flower
* 2 tsp. soda
* 2 cups sugar
* 5 cups blended oatmeal**
* 24 oz. chocolate chips
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* 1 8oz. Hershey Bar (grated)
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I hope you enjoyed the story and will enjoy the cookies!

August 1, 2004 at 9:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg omg you guys, i don't know if you've seen this, but I was looking at this blogger site, and I found this really creepy text!!!! please letme know idf this is new

In a flurry of wishful thinking, I imagine a huge overlap between beer fans and computer dorks. Especially considering beer helps us all get laid.

Thus, this blog is born.

You're reading this, so I'm assuming that you've already seen the damage on my uncle's site. That's how you got here, right? (Unless your last Google search included the terms "SOS" "WTF" "beer" and "dirty old man" Hmmm... now I'm curious as to what that actually brings up.)

Focus, Dan, you numbnuts.

I've been wrestling with the site bug(s?) myself since late last week. I've exhausted every strategy I can think of: scoured my code, ran virus checks, did the whole spyware Spyhunter thing, installed all the browser updates, and then finally just wiped the site and rebuilt it from scratch. Nothing helped.

In fact, although I might just be hallucinating from too much peyote, I would swear it's getting worse.

I'm posting all of the original pages below, so you can see what www.ilovebeer.org looked like BEFORE it crossed over to the dark side.

posted by Dan at 10:16 PM

August 1, 2004 at 9:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


It's totally gonna be a huge promotion with MGD, you drunken reprobates, NOT Budweiser (king of jeers, aw yeah). I work for this ad agency (and I am so getting fired, but I don't care because I can't take this any more, besides, Bush says the economy's getting better so FUCK the MAN, I can get another job!), and we were totally assigned all these photo shoots with the top ten rock bands of right now, and I can tell you that in some of the opening crane shots zooming into the close-ups of the live bands, honeybear containers are visible on the stage.

I don't want to say too much more than that, but just know that Miller Genuine Draft has put a LOT of money behind this, and you're in for a really great time, if I'm any judge.

Which I am. I totally see all the behind-the-scenes stuff. Yes yes, I am an administrative assistant, but I still have more insider information than you!! Being smugly vague is fun! Ha ha suckers, you have to wait! I'm smearing honey on Evanescence right now! As I am typing!

August 1, 2004 at 9:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

did anyone else find out if Dan is real or not? I tried to find out more information, but I'm just a 12 year old with limited intelligence and a penchant for playing console gaming systems and stroking off to Mary Kate & Ashley videos.

Oh, and I suck.

August 1, 2004 at 10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if crack is good enough for mk, its gud enuf 4 me. Beer is for wussy fanboyz without goalz. lusers!!!!!!!!

F34r |\/|3

August 2, 2004 at 7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


August 2, 2004 at 7:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, what is this thing? wtf

August 3, 2004 at 4:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's a blogspot. Duh.

Spot o' blooooooog. Blogarina. Blog blog bloggedy blog. Blogging from the DNC, blogging from my mom's basement, blogging just to blog, blogging because there is a HORRIFYING virus attack on a machine somewhere in the bay area, and we've got to stop it!

Hey, anonymous, you can ask questions. I will answer them!

Together, we fight crime!

August 3, 2004 at 5:30 PM  
Blogger Neo said...


Didn't your parents ever talk to you about the Beers and the Bees?

August 6, 2004 at 5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


August 9, 2004 at 9:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i would love to help, if we all band together, we can fight this virus! please dan, realize that ilovebees, ahem, sorry, ilovebeer is going to stay safe. noone knows what will happen on the 38th, but we will help you get through it. oh yea, i would leave uncle marc with the problem and be a complete asshole.

August 10, 2004 at 11:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You will bow to us.



We will surround you.


The heavens will disapear underneath the shroud of our Gods. We will prevail.

We shall be the last to speak. Grunts, jackals...they will all die...the eliticus shall serve no one...patience brings the rest of the story...

August 14, 2004 at 2:57 PM  
Blogger Neo said...

Drunk people have secret audio in their sites.


August 20, 2004 at 12:57 PM  
Blogger Neo said...

august 24, 2004:

hundreds of people put tons of work into the process of eventually locating and recieving a telephone call at a specific time, after a whole month of work on ilovebees.

to be rewarded with gay ass wav files.

The phones that weren't answered are all going to ring at the same time tomarrow.

I may like bees, but i LOVE beer:

August 24, 2004 at 7:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Oh Oh.... I don't know if this theory has been said before. God I hate it when idiots put that; damn well knowing that said theory has been posted 7,777 times before. I know what this web site is about! It's about the common ground we'll share with the covenant when they get here; they love beer too! We can all get drunk together. I hope nobody else has thought of this; cause I would feel like a complete tard.

August 25, 2004 at 2:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey dan, has your email been taken over? if it has, all the info sent to you wont reach you.

have you talked to the lost princess?

she has taken over the ilovebees.com site.

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